Nesting and Cocooning

Most pregnant women go through "nesting"  to prepare for their child.  The idea of "nesting" has actually been studied and there's some evidence that lead some to believe it's an actual instinctual behavior much like birds.  The need to get things ready, to fix and clean things.

I can tell you, without a shadow of a doubt in my mind, that nesting is not limited to pregnancy.  With each of our adoptions Marjorie has nested.  I mean MONTHS ahead of any possible time a child could come home, she's getting things out, putting up decorations, getting out blankets, and toys and clothes.  We have to get ready.  She couldn't wait for me to help set up the crib, no it had to be done months ago, and all the blankets she and others made for Elias went immediately into the crib. Little toddler toys were out weeks ago. 

But there's something else that is written about in the adoption community-it's a little different.   Cocooning.  Cocooning is a period of time where intense care and bonding happen.  The idea is to kind of close up social shop and just spend very very intentional time with your new child.

If we're honest, we weren't the best Cocooners with Corban.  We were new to parenting and adoption.  We didn't realize how much one on one time he needed with us.  We didn't do horribly....but we could've done better.  We didn't want to say no to people when they asked if they could stop over to see him....or just showed up at our door.  They had waited with us too.  He needed way more alone time to adjust to being a family and new stimulation.  Once when our parents were visiting, Corban had enough of visitors, so he took Marjorie's hand and led her to his room.  What he wanted was to sit in the rocker with her for awhile and have alone time.  So she did that with him till he was ready to visit again.  With Tobiah we had a week alone with him in the isolation room at the hospital, so it happened naturally.  

We are preparing you now for cocooning.  When Elias comes home, be prepared to see us less.  We are going to be bonding with our child, meeting his every need as best we can, making up for the past 2 years, growing trust and making sure he knows we are here for him.  Just because he is home, doesn't mean he is prepared for all the new things in his life.  He needs time to adjust to a lot of new things.

We will be limiting visitors.  Elias might not go on all the outings right away, like to the store or library or church with us right away.  We might need to miss some events and large gatherings.   Please understand and respect that as we move forward. We'll be coming out of our cocoon slowly and tentatively, trying out the new surroundings and sometimes retreating.  This time for him could last anywhere from 2-6 months.

We can't wait for you to see him!  We know you've waited and prayed for him to come home for a long time.  We'll make sure to post pictures, so you too can rejoice in him being home.
And while we need to be the primary caregivers for Elias, we'll need breaks too, to refresh from intensive parenting.  Thanks for supporting us in this stage of our adoption journey as well!